so explain again why im purple
no
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
