Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
