I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
