Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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