apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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