Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
