i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
