Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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