She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
