My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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