Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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