Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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