I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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