he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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