im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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