So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
