Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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