your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
