I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
