Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
nutella sex= disaster
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i need some magic done to my vagina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
