also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
