Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
