Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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