i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize