I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
