You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
