3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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