well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
