I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
