Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
