just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
