My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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