I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
