The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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