I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
