she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
