All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
