A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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