We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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