That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
