is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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