6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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