Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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