He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
