New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
