Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize