GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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