Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
