it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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