Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
