Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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