You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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