I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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