Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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