Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
