I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
