i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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