I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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