i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
