I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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